Fucking dirty grit in my mouth, that I realize now can only be the result of my own tooth grinding during my daily quietus. Like bloody sand without the taste of nature. No trace of Mama Gaia's sapid musk in this flavor. Just the ferrous taste of corrupt humanity.
There is still coffee in the maker. It's been there for what seems like a week, and I drink from it every morning. It's always warm. I don't even bother with a mug anymore. I take a heavy pull from the glass pot, and swish.
Spit.
Half a tooth.
It was just one of the molars anyway. Check with my tongue, and, yes. A wisdom I never bothered having pulled. Is this irony?
Hebetude. My mind cannot help but choose the more obscure word for any given situation.
hebetude heb·e·tude (hěb'ĭ-t&oomacr;d', -ty&oomacr;d')
n.
Dullness of mind; mental lethargy.
heb'e·tu'di·nous (-t&oomacr;d'n-əs, -ty&oomacr;d'-) adj.
I am hebetudinous; not sleepy, or foggy. Fuck my education.
I'm a doctor and I couldn't tell you the difference between an ass and an elbow, the exception being that I know one perches oneself upon the former, and ones arm bends at the latter.
A doctor of theoretical knowledge an the opinions, dreams, and metaphors of others. My only practical knowledge was all gained prior to entering High School. Things like how to fix a toilet, and how to order a pizza.
I swear, just like the coffee, there is always a pizza on my table. Toppings are often different though.
It's always cold.
I don't mind.
Shit.
I write poetry and prose, short stories and essays while shitting. A spiral bound notebook balanced on my knees, pens behind my ears, tucked in my pockets, and wedged between the afore mentioned ground teeth.
As a professor I make almost $250,000 a year.
And I write almost everything on the toilet while shitting.
I live in a two bedroom apartment in the worst area of town. My students are afraid of my neighbors, and my neihborhood .
I've lived here since I started University, 15 years ago.
The same people I hated with heart and soul my entire career as a student, I now teach.
They are as stupid as ever. Occasionally I see a bright face, and my heart leaps.
Usually they either transfer to get away from the idiots, or realize they can never escape them and suicide.
Submit.
I did a long time ago, and I wish I hadn't.
Starlit.
May you be.
Good luck.
You're going to need it.
They don't tell you being smart makes everything harder.
